14 May 2009

Modern-Day Settlers

How often have you been in the grocery store and had a taste for some fruit? Did you search and search and search until you found the perfect piece in the bunch? Of course you did!! You're not going to settle for the ratty piece of fruit they put on top, hoping someone won't inspect it and buy it. It doesn't matter that it's your favorite fruit, you won't buy into that!

How come we don't take this same approach when it comes to relationships? (Yes, I am guilty of it too) We settle for the guys or girls that are on "top of the pile" or the first ones we meet. Yea, we love them, but we put up with things that we wouldn't take from anyone else. Why do we do this? Is love all we really need, even though they aren't really worthy of our love?

I'm at the point where I don't want to be a Modern-Day Settler. I won't settle for less. If that means, being alone then so be it. I know my worth and have to wait for the right one. I suggest that YOU don't become a Modern-Day Settler either!!

Just for fun.....I received an email once that goes like this:

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the
one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's
up to women to stomp them into shape until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.

Now, now, I'm not saying that I agree with this and that it's not interchangeable......it was something I got and decided to share. Let me know what you think!


  1. This is really the truth - I love this! That email is pretty much on point. Getting attention is not the one all, end all to what makes a relationship. For some, they do settle for the hood nig that said "Hey Ma"...uugghhhh, Not I. It's all about setting your standard and not settling for less...compromise? Sure, but all out giving up the most important things?? Never...

    Great read!!

  2. Great read. A lot of men and women settle. The best women are the one's that are "harder to reach" so to say. They naturally expect more of a man, and the better men don't have a problem doing that. I don't know so much about women "stomping the men into shape." I know those aren't your words, but that just makes a man seem like some kind of animal that has to be trained (that does apply to some of us though). But some of us are searching carefully just as the women are waiting patiently.

  3. I agree. Im Michelle, waiting on my Barack!

  4. Very true. Sometimes the need for companionship can overshadow the need for a quality mate... someone worthy of your time.

    I have mixed emotions about this though. What happens if you "settle" for a person who is not what you expected but turn out to be everything you wanted and needed? You may have missed out on that person by being so stuck on standards. I'm not saying you should lay your standards down by the wayside...but relaxing them may be an idea.

    I agree with La'Shawn though.. it may be all about the art of compromise while trying not to ignore the things most important to you. Good read though

  5. Good read! I wrote an article a few years ago for an urban magazine. While researching I found some pretty harsh statistics that tell the sad truth of our dating future. I'll share one quote in an effort not to be too long in my response: Larry Davis writes "Black women out number black me 2 to 1. This ratio does not factor in the growing homosexual, bisexual and transgender community, the 20 percent of black men incarcerated, lacking a high school education, or just plain broke with little to no legitimate earning potential."

    Now I don't encourage anyone to settle, I'm specifically talking about my ladies, but be kind. Considering we out number our male counterpart in higher education institutions, our incomes will be higher than most, or education will be more advanced and our standards will likely be too high. If you love him, work with him. Don’t disregard our laborer, the mechanics, the construction workers. They too are good men.


  6. I love this one!Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without!

  7. I have discovered, after many years of mistakes, I am a Queen and I'm looking for a King. I will not be disrespected, called names, shown indifference and discounted. I am an intelligent, loving, strong, black woman and I am confident in this.

  8. All are great comments. I guess I should have elaborated more. Settling is different than accepting someone for who they are. By settling, I mean don't lower your self-worth to be with someone. Don't accept being unhappy because you love someone or want to be with someone.