30 July 2009

I Have a Headache: The Dating Game Chronichles

Cue: Kelis' "I Hate You So Much Right Now"

This is exactly how I feel about dating. It give me such a headache! We are all just pawns in this game of life. You would think as adults we'd grow out of the "dating games," but such is not the case. I'm truly learning that age is just a number...

We are told when growing up that our Prince Charming is going to ride up on his white horse and rescue us from our single life. Then we were told that this magic spouse that is meant for us will fall out of the sky and land in our laps and we'll live happily ever after. HA!!

I'm SO over it!! Okay okay, I'm a skeptic, but at the same time I'm working on this patience thing. I'm still a work in progress....

I'm at a loss....I have no clue what's next....When will this all end? Maybe I'll give eHarmony or Match.com a try. They've got to be better than this.

What do you think about the dating game? Are you a pawn like me? What moves are you making? When do the games end?


  1. I'm not single so I don't personally know about dating. I just an observer. But to be honest with you, the married life has it's challenges as well. The happily ever after doesn't work for everyone.

    It's not like it was when our Grandparents were dating when the Prince opens the door, comes for a "visit" at a decent time or ask you out to dance at the "jute joint". Back then men respected woman.

    I don't know what we have to do today to get that respect when there's a shortage of Good Men...

  2. So I haven't gotten to the point of frustration! That may only be because I am just getting into the whole dating game again. Well, then again, I've never really dated, I'm a recyclist - I always just gotten back together!

    But I will say I am enjoying meeting new guys - you know - playing the cat and mouse game! Flirting with guys I may or may not have an interest in while sipping my little cocktail. But that is indicative of my newly single status. I'm guessing my attitude may change once the weather gets cold!

    But I'll get back to you then!

  3. Honey, I feel you! When do people STOP playing games, and just say what they really want/expect? The older we get, the more frustrating it gets because you think "game time" should be over. I'll admit, I've played games before too, but part of being an adult is saying what you really want out of a relationship.

    And what about those of us who don't WANT to branch out? Is it so wrong that I want a brotha - who's saved, educated and fine, who has a career? I mean, really...can I have brown babies, please?


  4. Ahh, the dating scene. A place where a woman and a man meet. Wanting to start something brand new. Something really, really nice, having some fun too. Enjoying each other's company, looking forward to seeing him. Laughing, dancing, and exploring in the cities days and nights. Sharing intellectual conversations and revealing intimate hopes and dreams. How nice it all starts out? Do guys get to the scene at the same time?
    And once they are there when is it that they leave the scene and when do you realize they are missing? I really think we lose them along the way and we are not aware of it. And when we do realize it we now know we have wasted time. Wake up don’t spend so much time that the scene doesn’t warrant. If you are not having fun, you find yourself explaining bad behavior, you’re just not happy with the scene and you start interpreting what he must have meant, leave. Don’t waste your time find something new. Have fun, don’t make the scene harder than your job. Know that you’re a good person and someone will appreciate you. Have friends, love you and be good to yourself. The right person is out there and you will meet him, one day. In the meantime do you have fun and be happy.

  5. A Guy's Perspective #43July 30, 2009 at 3:15 PM

    Dating is only a game when you choose to play it, As we get older and our experiences have developed are "taste buds", we should now be able to decide what exactly we want and seek to find what it is we are looking for. Dating should be less random the older we get and it should transition from being a game to almost making a career choice. Thus, we should expect the people we choose to involve ourselves with to act accordingly and be accountable for their actions. And before we even get to that point that should be questioned like it is a job interview. The older we get the less time we have to waste so we have to take the initiative and control the direction that "dating" takes us until we are no longer dating. Then at that point we begin to plan to succeed and manage expectations to have long term success...

  6. I would say cynic more so then a skeptic, but both work fine…LOL! I believe that you can only be played with if you choose to be (debatable, I know…so bring it on). What I am discovering amongst many adults is that they have not taken the time to decide or identify with what they want in a significant other, and if you don’t know, how do you expect them to know? Too many people are caught up in instant gratification and getting it in…then have the nerve to say with a straight face, that they expected a relationship out of the situation. And while it does happen from time to time, the odds are extremely high. I can only speak from personal experience, but I’ve learned that whenever I went into something with a whatever or it is what it is attitude, I got a whatever/it is what it is commitment (which is usually nothing). But whenever I went in with a no nonsense attitude and let them know I am about my business and don’t have time for games upfront, they usually eliminate themselves. This makes the weeding out process so much easier. After listening to my friends, co-workers, associates, etc., I have found that every one wants something easy and has a sense of entitlement. No one wants to take the time to build relationships anymore. As fulfilling as relationships are, they require nurturing, love, dedication, respect, understanding and trust. Instead of having a mentality of looking for the next relationship, work on building a friendship first. I am the first one to say I love my pookie but our relationship is not to be taken lightly. As individuals, we are continuously working on ourselves, which therefore makes us better as a team. I love the person my man is without me as well as with me…he’s driven and motivated, kind hearted, focused, spiritual and dedicated. That’s where my attraction lies with him. Don’t get me wrong, I still go through the “I think he’s incredibly sexy and he can definitely turn me on” moments, but once that is over and done and I glance his way, I can honestly say that he is my friend. My friend that I can joke with, share my life with, have a ball with, or just chill with.

    So I challenge you to no longer be allowed to be used as a pawn. Someone can only play a game with you if you choose to play. Be honest with yourself first and the rest will come naturally.

    That’s my two cents…love ya! ~M~

  7. well first I want to say that this blog seems unfinished. where is the story or event that prompted this blog after such a long pause. I was anxiously waiting. onto the response . . . .

    I have given up on the idea of dating. I find that even though I know full well what I want from a relationship, I have yet to meet someone who meets the standards. Single (really single), childless, educated, motivated, confident, god fearing and has a 5 and/or 10 year career plan. Dont get me wrong I have met some wonderful guys but unfortanately I am not attracted to them so we become friends. It makes me wonder if I should forget about my brothas and move on to the other flavors of men. is it really that hard in my middle 20's, as an educated, involved, single, childless woman for me to find someone who is on my level. my experience has told me yes. I will stay in game but mostly half-hearted.

    like the woman earlier said you can only be played if you allow it. dont be a bystander, BE A PLAYER! dating is not a game but rather a set of experiences which prepare you for your life partner. if you look at it like a game you will get played. see what's in front of you and make smart moves accordingly. (This line so applies to me.)well that's all.