Dating is Like...

I really hate dating. For those of you that know me, know that this is unlike me. I used to love it. It was a game. I was actually anti-relationships...which is why I've only had like 2 in my life. I don't know why, I just never saw me settling down with one person for the long haul.

In my older age, I can see it, but now it can't see me. *Cue India.Arie's "Ready for Love"*

I really wish there was a husband line or something. Where guys line up and you pick one and that's that. Or that there was a computer where you could type in a few criteria and out pops your husband....Jetsons style!! Oh how great that would be!



It would definitley take the hassle out of dating. I'm tired of it all. There is too much to do, to analyze, figure out, and worry about. I get tired just thinking about it. I'm thinking of going the same route as Jennifer Lopez's character in The Back-up Plan.

I digress...for now...

I've been talking to some of my other single gals and I am trying to remain positive, but when you think of dating, I can't help but think about it in different light.

Dating is like...A JOB INTERVIEW



Have you ever gone on a job interview and just KNEW it went well and that you'd gotten the job? Only to find that they hired someone else? Well dating is the same way. Sometimes good dates don't result in relationships. And sometimes bad dates can be used as practice for future dates. You don't let a bad interview discourage you from continuing to apply to other companies do you? Of course not! We all have bills to pay and lifestyles to maintain. Same for dating...keep applying!!!





Dating is like...DANCING



Now look at that pic...where does the dance start? What is it supposed to look like? Who knows!! Dating is like those dance steps. You never know what steps to take next. And what steps you take for one dance, may not work with another partner. And once, you change steps, you have created a new dance. Does this make sense? Well it does in my head lol.




Dating is like...CAMPAIGNING



You put your best foot forward, you advertise all of your good points in order to get the vote of the person you want to date. If you have mutual friends, you have them put in a good word (endorsements), and also try to get good feedback about the person you're dating. Sometimes you have to spend a little money and invest in the campaign (ie: buying dinner), but sometimes you can get a sponsor lol.



Those are just a few ways to look at dating. What is dating like to you? Have you looked at dating this way? What ways do you look at dating? Do you like to date?

The Challenge

For those that know me...and I mean REALLY know me...know that I'm shy. This shirt says it all. I've come a long way, but there is still a lot left in me. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with guys. I'm flirtatiously challenged.

I've even been told by a few guys over the years that I suck at flirting. Really. Sad. There have been guys that I liked, but never told them or let them know that they had the opportunity to even talk to me. I've found out later that guys wanted to make a move, but I never gave them the "okay" to move ahead. Makes me wonder how many guys I really missed my chance with....

Okay let's move on before I get upset/sad. HAHA

So I was talking to my friends Michele and Marlene on Sunday and we were talking about my shyness. Basically I was told to get over it...gotta love my friends lol. It is something that I've been trying to work on, and have definitely come a long way. They did make a good point and said that like anything else, practice makes perfect. Hhhmmmm I never really practiced that before.

So that's how the challenge started. My mission is to start conversations with five random guys. It doesn't have to be anything serious, or even a guy that I'm interested in. I just have to say something flirty. Oh, I have until July 1st and then my "final exam" is with Marlene (the challenge issuer) after that, and I have to start talking to a guy and tell him my middle name (which I don't care for).

So far, I've gotten one under my belt!

Here's the scene: I'm fresh out of spin class...I'm sweaty, hair has sweated out, and I have on sweats. I needed new windshield wiper blades, so I head to the auto store in the same shopping center.

I walk in and tell the dude that I need blades and tell him what car so he can tell me the blades I need. He asks what kind I want and I told him that since he's the professional, I'll trust his judgment. He smiled. Good. Then he asked me why I was walking that way (tired) and why I had that look on my face. Spin class. He laughed and told me that he understood because he's heard how serious it is lol.

He proceeds to tell me about his gym in Wheaton (while ringing up my wiper blades) and before thanking him I told him that if he decided to switch gyms I'd see him around. He smiled and said okay.

Ran the scenario past Marlene and she said that's the idea! So one down....4 to go. I have a party to go to Saturday (that Marlene committed me to lol) and we'll see who is there. You know that I will keep you all posted!!

What do you think about the challenge? Do you think it's an attainable/reasonable goal? Do you believe practice makes perfect? How do you flirt? Do you practice it?

So it's 2010....

HAPPY NEW YEAR people!!!!!! I hope you all had a safe, wonderful holiday. Mine was pretty chill. I got to see some old friends I hadn't seen in awhile...always a great time. Hard to believe that it's 2010. That means that my 10-year class reunion is on the horizon....yikes! It still baffles me that I graduated 10 years ago....wow.

The new year usually brings new change. This is the time of year where gyms get a lot more crowded, and you see more people jogging around the neighborhood...yes people are trying to stick to their infamous resolution!!

I used to make resolutions once upon a time, but I never stuck to them. I don't think now is any different. My Facebook was blowing up with statuses of people who promised to clean out friends' lists, cut off people who didn't bring positivity to thier lives, and to not deal with the samae BS. My question is this....why wait for a new year to do that? Do you actually call people and tell them "You have until December 31st to act right, or else you're cut off!" Or do you just stop dealing with a person, ignore their calls and whatnot when the new year hits? I never understood that.

Stuff like not dealing with BS and ridding your life of negativity should be an ongoing process. Who wants to deal with that crap? Not me! So at any time, a person is liable to get cut off for whatever reason. So with that, I don't believe in resolutions. I know I'm not going to the gym more. I know I need to and I'll work on that, but I'm not committing to going quite yet.

With that, I leave you with my GOALS for 2010:

#1: To be the best me I can be!! This means working on myself mentally, physically, and of course emotionally. I'm trying to work on this because I want to be a good example for my family and Girl Scouts.

#2: To leave settling to Pilgrims (Check my homegirl's article on that here) This is pretty much self-explanatory.

#3: To get over my fear and start house hunting! Yes, this seems small to some, but I really got anxiety at one point lol. I think I'm over it now.

What are you 2010 goals? Do you believe in resolutions?

Let's Try This again....

Well as you remember from an earlier entry, I didn't do too well with eHarmony (I'm not posting the link...stop being lazy and scroll down lol). So at the advice of my friend, I decided to give Match.com a try. It was MUCH better than eHarmony....a lot more to choose from, more communication and responses. This is kinda lengthy, so kick back, relax and enjoy my perils of dating lol.

Have I made a connection? Nope!! That's okay. I encountered crazies my first week!

One guy, who goes by the name TruePiscean, was one of the first guys to email me. He was 37 After a few emails back and forth, I realized that a lot of his questions/comments related to sex. Now, call me old fashioned, but I don't think it's appropriate to come out of the mouth like that w/ someone you don't even know. I let him know that I didn't think that things would work, and he preceded to tell me that if I couldn't handle adult conversation, that I should try another site. I kindly told him that maybe HE is the one that needed a new site (like sexaholics.com) and that I knew plenty of adults that had way more to talk about than sex....I am one!! So he wrote back saying that I got the wrong impression of him, and he attempted to talk about other things. After the 2nd email, he went back to his roots, and I gave him the boot!









Then there was another guy that basically only wanted to ask me advice on females. That's cool with me, because I didn't find his profile appealing at all. We went back and forth for a bit, and I gave him my opinions about the questions he had. He said I helped.

I also found an old coworker on there. I knew he looked familiar, but I couldn't place the face. I sent an email, and he asked my name. When I told him, he said where I knew him from. I hadn't seen him in like 10 years lol. We talked a bit, but conflicting schedules prevented us from meeting up. I guess we both gave up.


I did go out with one guy and it was fun. Let's call him....Gary. Gary started by winking at me. For those who aren't familiar with online dating, winking is equivalent to "poking" on Facebook. Still lost? It's a way to let someone know you're interested.

I checked out Gary's profile. He looked good on paper....33, employed, no kids, never been married, we shared a few interests. Got to the pics, and he looked okay. SOmetimes pictures don't do people justice, so I took it as a good sign that I didn't cover my eyes at first glance. I winked back. He sent me an email and we chatted back and forth for a bit. He asked for my phone number. I gave it to him and he called a couple of days later. GREAT conversation! We talked for two hours, and could have easily gone for more.

Eventually, we decided to go out on a date....it was kind of a disaster, but it wasn't his fault. It was one of the funny ones.

Being Redskins fans (don't hate and keep comments to yourself!!), we agreed to meet at Jasper's in Greenbelt to watch the Redskins/Cowboys game....only to find that Jasper's closed due to a fire. So we go around the corner to a sports bar Willie K's. I'd never been there, but the service was HORRIBLE! There was an open bar table, but the bartender wouldn't bus the table. She said he'd have to do it b/c she was the only bartender and that there was only one server because they got an unexpected party of 100, so most of the staff was tending to them. Now I have a problem because other people are paying customers as well, and there was a manager that stood around and did nothing but socialize w/ people.

Anyway, I guess he was being on his best behavior because it was our first date, so he removed the stuff from the table and put it on the bar so that we'd have a clean area to sit. The service was so bad, we didn't even order there. We went down the street to Ruby Tuesday's. He apologized for the incident at Willie K's. Of course I didn't blame him. We made it just in time @ Ruby's because the kitchen was about to close. We had good conversation again, but I don't think there was anything romantic about it. We haven't talked much since then...that's cool. It was a good experience.

So yeah, I'm taking a break now....

What about you? Have you thought about trying eHarmony? Do you think I was too hard on TruePiscean? Should I have pursued things further w/ Gary? Should I try another dating site?

Meet Loser.....and Kraz E

This is what I found in my inbox the other day from eHarmony....no really that's what it said. They've matched me with Loser....great. Of course I couldn't receive something like this and not check it out for you all. There were no pictures, and there were actual real answers in the profile, but I'm just stuck on the name. Now, I'm sure that's a joke page, but how encouraging is that?

Okay, I know you are all wondering, so let me backtrack for a minute....

Yes, I signed up for online dating. Why? I'm not 100% sure. I guess it was more out of curiosity. I know a few people that have met online and one couple is even married for a few years now. Another reason was curiosity. I have met people before, but it's not always clear what their agenda is when you meet them. This way, I'm almost guaranteed to meet someone that is on the same path I am. I know my path is to meet new people and hang out. Also, I don't go out much, and I'm not looking to meet someone in the club, so this way seems best for now.

I've talked to a few friends about it before I actually tried it, and the experience varied. I figured if anything, I'd get to meet new people, try new places to hang out/eat, and possibly meet new friends because the old ones suck. Those that know me, know I'm an optimist, so I'm not giving up.

No, nothing happened yet. Mostly because I haven't been active on eHarmony as I probably should be. I've gotten a few "Icebreakers" (short messages that let you know the person is interested in starting communication), but I've been slow to respond if at all.

Let me give you more insight: eHarmony isn't the typical site where you're matched with guys based on your location and you scan through pics and pick the cutest guy best profile match and send him a message and set up a meeting time/date. This site takes you through eight steps (yes 8) before you can conduct open conversations with someone. You start by viewing pics (if they have any), and viewing their limited profile. If you like, you can send them five multiple-choice questions. If they like, they'll respond and send you five questions too. There is a fast track option, but I haven't tried that.

Now, I've been finding myself being SUPER judgmental about people I communicate with, or even who I'd consider communicating with. One guy really had a pic on his page where he cropped out a girl. Another guy didn't feel like bothering w/ such methods and just blacked out the girl, AND the hand that she draped over his shoulder. Talk about tacky!!! He was automatically nixed from my list. Also, if pics are far away, or they have no pics at all, I automatically assume they aren't attractive and/or hiding something.

Also, a lot of guys on here are short! I'm not talking 6'0, or even 5'11....these guys are like 5'5 and 5'6!! I'm almost 5'8 myself, so imagine me next to him with my 4-inch stilettos. It's okay to laugh because I did too. I've blogged earlier about preference, and that's one of mine....6'0+ please!

Before my eHarmony trial, I tried Yahoo! Personals. I didn't even think about them, but that's where a girl I know met her current husband, so I looked there. They had a free 3-day trial, so I couldn't lose. Let's just say I shut things down before my three days were up. The guys there were all so OLD....I'm talking 40+. It was scary!

This whole process is scary/creepy, but I can't help but laugh at the same time....especially when I get an invitation to meet Loser.

Have you ever tried online dating site? Which one(s)? How was your experience? Would you try it again? Do you still talk to someone you met through an online service?




UPDATE: Since my last post, I've received a new match...Kraz E. This one has pics, but they look like two different people. To protect privacy, I won't post them lol.and I'm tempted to communicate with him just to ask him why that name! Eharmony isn't like most dating sites where you pick a screen name...you're supposed to use your real name! I'll keep yall posted!

Soul Mates...Do They Exist?

How many people think they've found their soulmate?

*raises hand*

With that said, I'll start with a definition. What is a soul mate? According to Webster's dictionary it means:

1 : a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament
2 : a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs

Kinda vague...With that definition, do you still think you've found your soul mate?

*raises hand*

Now to me, a soul mate is that person whom you have a connection with that's unexplainable. Like you're both sitting in the room and you know what the other is thinking without either of you saying a word. It's that cosmic connection that allows you to feel their pain/emotions even when you aren't around each other.

From many discussions with friends, I'm finding that this is a rare occurrence. So does that mean that we have the definition screwed up of what a soul mate really is? Say that you're lucky to find that person, does it always mean that you are meant to be together? What if someone has this same connection with more than one person? Are we allowed to have more than one soul mate?

I believe that we can. I think that sometimes soul mates can even be of the same sex. I'm not saying that a person is gay if they find that same-sex soul mate, they might be best friends.

I did an image search on Google for soul mates, and almost every picture depicted a man and woman (sometimes male/female animals) in an intimate position. We are conditioned to think that soul mates have to be this great love.

Now, I know that you're wondering about my soul mate. I think I did find him, he knows who he is. We're best friends and we truly have that connection where we know thoughts without speaking, and even across country, and even seas, we knew what the other was feeling. Yeah, I know you don't believe me, but it's true! We have a lot of the same beliefs and thoughts.

Now this isn't saying that everything is happy-go-lucky either. We don't agree 100% on everything. I can't feel if he gets a paper cut and vice versa lol. We've lost touch a few times over the years, but we keep coming back in contact with each other.

Are we supposed to be together? I'm no fortune teller, nor am I going to pay Miss Cleo (yes she's back lol) or any other psychic to find out. I guess I'm going to play this life thing out and see what God has in store for me.

Talk to me: Do you think that you've found your soul mate? How do you know? Do you think that you're supposed to marry your soul mate? Can people have more than one soul mate?

It's a Thin Line.....

....between researching and stalking! I know what you thought I was going to say, and that is true too, but it doesn't fit with my thoughts today.

Recently, I've had a discussion with some friends about stalking people on the Internet. Let me backtrack..... this came about when I told about how I look up a guy on Facebook, and make sure he's not a registered sex offender if I don't know him (hhmmm maybe I should check the ones I do know too lol). I was told that this is stalking.

I call it research. Especially on Facebook....if someone leaves their page open, aren't they just asking for people to look at their info? In the last post, you'll note that my research saved a situation from possibly getting worse. What if I hadn't seen that the guy was engaged? What if I got involved emotionally and found out this info later? What if she came after me and I didn't even know about her?

To me stalking someone on the Internet means that I was following their every move....like who is he talking to? What does abc mean? What does xyz mean?

In this case, my research proved to work out for the best for me, but what do you think? What is your definition of Internet stalking? Is looking someone up on Facebook considered stalking?

I'm Baaaack!!!

Hey people! I've been on a bit of a break. I really couldn't bring myself to write anymore, but I'm back now!

I know I left you all with what I have heard is my "angry woman post" and I'm past that now. Here's the thing with me. This blog is where I vent and that is how I was feeling at the time. By no means am I that angry often. I'm generally a happy person. It was just too much at one time.

Since then have I endured more BS? Yes. Let me share the latest....I was going out with a guy. Good times. Only to find out later that he's engaged!! Yes, you read right! And guess how I found out...


Wait for it...









Wait for it...











Wait for it...










FACEBOOK!!!!!


Yes ladies and gentlemen, I did a little research and saw that he was engaged. I confronted him with my findings and he got mad at me!! He told me how I should know facts before I come at him, and that I need to check dates because that was old. He had been on his page quite often to update statuses and comment when people responded, but didn't remember to remove a fiancee from his page? Come on now...I'm not stupid.

Luckily, I was past being angry woman and was able to laugh at it. I calmly said (well typed because it all went down via email....oh the joys of technology ) my piece and never heard anything back. Now, I wasn't surprised by this because I hadn't expected to hear from him again. That further let me know that what I saw was true.

No biggie though, he wasn't around long enough for me to be upset or care that much. In the end, this was just a funny story to share with others.

With that being said. I'm back to blogging, but on hiatus from boys...emphasis on boys. I'm focusing on myself and what I need to do and diving into my extra curricular activities head first. Soon I'll be too busy to even care.

Are you glad that I'm back? Have you ever experienced anything like this?

I'M TIRED OF BS!!

Cue: Ne-Yo's "So Sick"

Okay, let's get right into it...I know the pic is a little harsh, but that's just how I feel right now.

Lately I've been hearing a LOT of BS (hey, my mom might read this lol) and I'm tired of it. I just wish I had a stamp with the word BULLSH*T on it, so I can just make a mark on the forehead of those that spew nonsense my way.

Now I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of grief for this, but I don't care....it needs to be heard! Guys shoot a LOT of BS on the daily! Yeah, I said it! Here are some of the key phrases I've heard lately:

~I've been busy

~I've been working

~I lost my phone that's why I haven't called you

~I have kids, or did you forget it was summer vacay? (yes, that's real)

All of this could be true, but it falls into the BS category because they were used as excuses for not responding to a text message! Those that know me know that I'm not big on texting, so I don't do the convos thru the phone like that. So that means I wasn't looking for a life story....only a response to a "hey how are you" message. Is that too much to ask? I didn't think so, so they can take that BS elsewhere!

I don't get what's so hard about being up front and honest. I can take it and still could be your friend later. I HATE being lied to and think that it's a cop-out when guys spit BS. Like seriously, we're adults, keep it real with me, because I KNOW I keep it real. This is why I surround myself with blunt friends. They keep me in line.

I saw this online and I really need to get this printed on a T-shirt and sport it at all times:



Cue: Jill Scott's "One is the Magic Number"

Sadly, I'm SO over guys right now....they are THE worst! In the mean time, I'm going to focus on me. I have some things that I'm working on, and will dive into them head first. If you feel the same way I do, I suggest that you use your energy for good and do something for yourself...or for someone else. I know I will be volunteering a lot in the next few months.

I Have a Headache: The Dating Game Chronichles

Cue: Kelis' "I Hate You So Much Right Now"

This is exactly how I feel about dating. It give me such a headache! We are all just pawns in this game of life. You would think as adults we'd grow out of the "dating games," but such is not the case. I'm truly learning that age is just a number...

We are told when growing up that our Prince Charming is going to ride up on his white horse and rescue us from our single life. Then we were told that this magic spouse that is meant for us will fall out of the sky and land in our laps and we'll live happily ever after. HA!!

I'm SO over it!! Okay okay, I'm a skeptic, but at the same time I'm working on this patience thing. I'm still a work in progress....

I'm at a loss....I have no clue what's next....When will this all end? Maybe I'll give eHarmony or Match.com a try. They've got to be better than this.

What do you think about the dating game? Are you a pawn like me? What moves are you making? When do the games end?